They say confession is good for the soul. Well, i have a lot to confess but have no one to talk with, so, I do it anonymously here.

I was a virgin when I met the man who would eventually be my husband. He took my virginity on our 5th date. Up to that time, it was the most horrible experience of my life. It was consensual, but what happened during the act was a nightmare. After he broke through the hymen, he saw the blood and ran cursing from the room, leaving me alone, exposed and bleeding. After several minutes, he came back and demanded I get dressed and leave. He immediately gathered the sheets and put them in the wash. I had never been treated so badly before. I spent the next two hours shaking uncontrollably. When he called the next day, I was so relieved to hear from him, that I consented to go out with him again.

Four years and two children later, he became abusive, and demanded crazy things from me. I endured his insane, controlling behavior for years. He even violently raped me once. I often wondered what it would be like to be touched by a man who was not abusive.

In 1997, we bought our first computer. I remember sitting down at it, anxious to take my first ride on the information superhighway. It was love at first click! I loved exploring bursa escort the web and making new friends via websites. One day, i clicked on a site, just to see what it was like. I was surprised that married people had ads on there. On a whim, I put up an ad. I was astonished by the number of responses. Between the penpal ad and the personal ad, I met and had sexual relations with 15 different men. I ended up having long term relationships with two men, only stopping the sex nine years ago when I became a full time caregiver to a family member. I am still friends with both men and one is a very dear friend.

Two years ago, I became friends with a nice man via the Web. He lives far away, but if he lived closer, we would have had a physical relationship. He wanted me to send naked pictures to him, so I did. It made me feel wanted, so I made more friends and send them pictures and videos. I am a middle aged, overweight woman and it was exciting to have so many men interested in me. I never met any of them, though.

Last August, I placed a local penpal ad and got a huge number of responses. Matt stood out in particular. He seemed really nice and wrote very well. I did not send him any naked pictures because there malatya escort was something special about him. After several emails, he sent pictures of himself. I was a little surprised to find out he was black. He kept asking me if he could take me out to lunch, but I replied that I hadn’t met anyone from the net in several years. He kept insisting that we meet, even if it was just for a hug. One day he asked me if there was anything I wanted, so, I replied that I wanted potting soil, eye drops, and tomatoes. He said that he would bring them to me the next night, while my husband was at work.

I was very nervous about meeting him. I had planned to give him a hug, thank him for the items, and that would be it. He had planned basically the same thing. It did not work out that way.

It was dark by the time he arrived. He parked at the end of the driveway, between the crepe myrtle and the magnolia. He got out of his SUV and immediately was fascinated by my thick, long, white hair. He ran his fingers through it. Then we hugged and something magical happened. It was like we were magnetic and could not pull apart from one another. We hugged, standing in the driveway for an hour. Our lips found each other and we kissed. çanakkale escort Our fingers started exploring. We caressed, hugged, and kissed for the longest time. Finally, when time for him to go, I walked away from him. It was so difficult to leave the warmth of his embrace.

Later that evening, I realized that I had been starved for physical contact of any kind with another human being. Weeks go by without my husband and I kissing or even touching.

Two nights later, Matt wanted to take me somewhere to enjoy some fruit, cheese, crackers, and wine. I did not realize he had reserved a room at a motel. The first thing he wanted to do when we got there was take a shower. We spent an hour hugging and touching in the shower. It was blissful to touch another person while being cascaded with hot water. He washed my hair, since it is his obsession. After the shower, we went to the bed and made love twice. Then we cuddled after, which was the most amazing experience. Other than one of my long term fellows (he liked to give massages afterward) no one ever cuddled after sex, even the husband. I felt wanted and cherished. We didn’t even taste food he brought!

After I got home, I deleted the videos and naked pictures and stopped writing to several of my penpals. Matt changed me. I no longer wanted cybersex or to exchange dirty pictures with different men. I only wanted Matt.

Nearly ten months later, Matt and I are still seeing each other. He treats me with respect and is very gentle and sweet. No one has ever treated me so well before. I am very thankful that he answered my ad.

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